To be able to forgive in a relationship is important for the couple connection, satisfaction and the ability to be future focused.
However, forgiveness is easier said than done, whether you chose to forgive others or even yourself. Forgiveness is not forgetting, nor does it mean you chuck wisdom out of the window, it doesn’t mean you must stay in a relationship either. Rather forgiveness is a choice, a gift that you give to yourself, so that resentment will not poison your soul. It is noted that the “cost of holding a grudge can be harmful to health, psychological well-being and relationship functioning” (Fitzgerald, J. 2017).
Forgiveness means you give up the right to continually punish your partner, whether you chose to continue or discontinue the relationship. Having said that, it would be inappropriate to urge forgiveness where that there has been abuse, as “it may be seen as releasing perpetrators from responsibility” (Walrond- Skinner, 1998).
Forgiveness takes time, it is an ongoing process, not a quick fix. One may find themselves on a revolving door of ruminating over past hurts and going through the process of forgiveness. This is often the case, when past hurts have been triggered. Therapy may be helpful in understanding and pursuing the process of forgiveness.
Fitzgerald, J. (2017). Foundations for Couples Therapy, Research for the Real World.
Walrond- Skinner, S. (1998) The function and role of forgiveness in working with couples and families.